Friday, August 13, 2010

Running is Down

Well, the rollercoaster ride has continued. Last week I headed off to Portland for a girls weekend with Lorri. Steve and Eric were planning an overnight run on the Plain course, so we thought we might as well go have some fun. Running hasn't been going well for me since I had problems on the long run a few weeks ago, so I decided I wouldn't worry about running while in Portland. We got back Sunday afternoon and I unpacked and put everything away. Eric came home an hour or two later and shortly after that the phone rang. It was my sister calling to say Dad was in the ER with heart trouble. My sister and I were on the road north within hours, and stayed for three days. Dad had a stent put in, is recovering and has more tests coming up. My younger sister will be having surgery within the next couple weeks, possibly two surgeries. We won't know about chemo till after surgery.


Lorri and I in Portland.

I ran once while at my parents, and I struggled. They live in a very hilly area, but that should not be a problem for me. I am fit, and I run hills all the time. I ran here at home one day too, on a flat course, and I struggled. I made five miles both times, but slowly and with a huge effort - feeling like the last couple of miles were the last miles of a hard-run marathon. I know that I haven't had much rest, and that my stress levels are high, both of which have impact on my heart, yet I still feel worried about going from running 40 miles, a marathon and a 50K in just a few weeks, feeling comfortable, to barely being able to eke out five miles and feeling exhausted when I do. I have two marathons scheduled in late September and early October that I'm worried about. I haven't done a long run since the crash-and-burn 19 miles July 16th, and at the moment I don't see a long run in the foreseeable future. I felt a bit better this morning when I remembered that in the past, it usually took me about six weeks to get over a heart episode. It's been so long ago that I had forgotten that, so maybe there's hope I'll be running well again soon.

I haven't forgotten my post about all I have to be thankful for. I still feel thankful. My problem is that there is a lot of anxiety and worry in my life right now, for my Dad and my sister, and my usual method of dealing with that is running. So when I head out the door and it doesn't go well, it's not good - I end up adding that stress to the mix. On the other hand, I need the relief of running, even if it's hard. I'm trying to ease up a bit, go with the flow and recognize all the good things around me. Spending time with my parents and my sisters has been good, my weekend away with Lorri was wonderful, and once again, the support of family and friends is amazing. My middle sister and I have had some wonderful moments together through this, and we know that we are facing some intense weeks ahead, but we also know that we'll get each other through it. I am extremely thankful for Eric and all he does to help me. In the grand scheme of my life, running is major, but in the grand scheme of all things, running is minor. It will all work out in the end.

8 comments:

Scott Keeps Running said...

It will all work out in the end.

Anne said...

Hang in there...things will indeed work themselves out. Stress is hard on the body...hugs.

Makita said...

I'm so sorry to hear that, Michelle. As I was sidelined for much of 2009, I know how it feels to not be able to run. As Anne & Scott have already said, it will work out eventually. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. Hugs!

Irene said...

I found myself relating and nodding as I read your post. It is hard to deal with stress when your stress reliever (running) isn't as you expect it to be. Life has a funny way of working out.

Take care.

Sarah said...

You are going through a rough time, Michelle! It's okay to acknowledge that, even if others have it rougher. Your positive attitude will get you through it all. Take care!

Joe said...

Take care of your family, take care of yourself, Michelle. Running will take care of itself. Be in the moment with them.

You are OK!! This is part of life.

My best to you all.

Wes said...

keeping you all in my thoughts...

Dori said...

So sorry to hear about your sister and Dad. I'll keep them--and you!--in my prayers. The Sept RW had a good article about dealing with emotions while sidelined from running. Congratulations on your acceptance into the doctoral program!