Friday, March 17, 2006

What is going on?

I'm feeling a little off balance right now. I visited the family doctor today to discuss the results of the latest blood tests. Unfortunately, they weren't great. The numbers that indicate anemia are dropping, as is my white blood cell count. The doctor said he has ruled out all the common causes, so the next step is referral to a hematologist. That department is reviewing my file and will call to set up an appointment Monday afternoon.

I'm a little disconcerted by the fact that the department is called Oncology/Hematology, and that they answer the phone "Oncology". I'm trying not to let that scare me.

I thought the gall bladder issue would be the end of it, that somehow, magically, everything sprang from that. I know that is a Pollyanna view of the world, but I like the Pollyanna view. Less worry, more optimism. I'm probably writing this post too soon - I'm still trying to settle these thoughts in my mind and rebuild my Pollyanna persona.

Right now I'm indulging in cookie-baking-therapy, talking to Eric, talking to my sister. I'm not going to share this with my parents till I know something concrete - they worry way too much and are already too concerned about the surgery.

Okay. I'm going to finish the cookies, walk the dog and re-center. This is one more step on my journey and I can handle it. I won't worry about the worst, I'll hope for the best.

One day at a time - this is enough.
Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone;
and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come.
Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.
Ida Scott Taylor


Ironayla said...

I love the quote!!!

I am sorry to hear of your news. Cookie baking and talking with family sounds like good therapy to me!!

robtherunner said...

Wasn't that whole Pollyanna view what Rick was talking about last night? And why the cookie baking therapy now, why not yesterday when you could have disbursed them to those in need? Ok, I am being selfish, I know.

olga said...

Focus on the quote - at least I will try...though I need to dream about bright future too, as the present is not very bright.
Hang on.

*jeanne* said...

I hope all your new news will be good news.

Happy St. Pat's and HAPPY COOKIES! :-)


Tammy said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. It sucks to feel like crap and not know why. The powerlessness of it is the worst.

Have you consulted with an ND? Yes, I'm a Bastyr student, so I'm partial, but it sounds like there is a lot going on inside you, and pulling stuff out that causes symptoms is not gonna solve the originating problem. Think about it.

Either way, best of luck. Thinking of you.

angie's pink fuzzy said...

Oh, no! I hope they can figure everything out. I like to take a Pollyanna view, too. Enjoy the cookie baking!

Thomas said...

That sounds scary - I really hope you're ok. It puts my little bit of feeling unwell in the shade.

Enjoy the cookies!